Chapter 2: Remember Love

SHE BLOGGED: This may just be the hardest chapter of projects. Is that bad that I'm saying that already and I'm only on chapter 2?

This chapter's projects are to quit nagging, don't expect praise or appreciation, fight right, no dumping, and give proofs of love.

Rubin says that she learned one critical fact about her happiness project: She couldn't change anyone else. As tempting as it was to try, she couldn't lighten the atmosphere of her marriage by bullying her husband into changing his ways. She could only work on herself.

Rubin loves to quote other people and I actually like to read them. Sometimes it takes someone else to say what you can't put into words.

"It is easy to be heavy: hard to to be light."

"There is no love; only proofs of love."

"What you do every day matters more than what you do once in awhile."

Here's what I know. As far as this chapter's projects were concerned and after reading the chapter, I know that my husband is a better partner than I am in many ways. It's not that I didn't know that, it's just the first time I'm acknowledging it, out loud I guess.

This chapter focused on the fact that you can't change anyone but yourself, but also a reminder to be more observant and appreciative of all the things that your partner does do, not the ones you want him or her to do, but doesn't. And so began the exercise of reflection.

I'm not a morning person, no matter how much sleep I try to get. I wouldn't say my husband is a morning person, but he always greets me with a cheery "good morning" while I in turn manage a grunt back.

Before he leaves somewhere, he always kisses me goodbye. When I leave the house, it's a "see ya!" over my shoulder and I'm out.

When I come home he greets me with a kiss and the first thing that typicallly pops out of my mouth is something like "Did you take out the garbage yet?" He never calls me on it even though he has absolutely every right to. If the tables were turned, I'd lay in on him. And yet he never does. Meanwhile my dog will scamper over to greet me and I immediately drop down to pet her, my voice raises in octave and I coo at her no matter what kind of mood I am in. Yikes. I suck.

So this past weekend, I took on a mantra that hearkens back to chapter one's suggestion of "act the way you want to feel" and it worked. When I would typically point out certain things out to my husband that I thought that he should or could do better, I bit my tongue. Why ruin a good day? I had the foresight to see it might lead to me or him being grumpy afterward.

This was/is tough work, but part of Rubin's commandments is also "letting go." If my husband still doesn't clean up as he cooks like I do, then I need to let it go. It will get done eventually -- and that is OK. That's me letting go and only trying to change myself.

Chapter 1: The Happiness Project

SHE BLOGGED: So what's the Happiness Project book all about? It's about a woman named Gretchen Rubin who decides to dedicate a year to being happier.

Here's me. I'm going to chronicle this reading project and I'm taking you with me (and my husband because he has no choice).

Think of this as the cliff note version of her book. I'll highlight the parts that resonated with me. Let's begin.

Rubin sets about explaining to her husband what she hopes to achieve with the “project,” he initially interprets the news that she's unhappy.

"I am happy -- but I'm not as happy as I should be. I have such a good life, I want to appreciate it more - and live up to it better."

True dat. Ok. I'm with you girl.

Rubin: Contemporary research shows that happy people are more altruistic, more productive, more helpful, more likable, more creative, more resilient, more interested in others, friendlier, and healthier. Happy people make better friends, colleagues, and citizens. I want to be one of those people.

Working on my happiness wouldn't just make me happier; it would boost the happiness of the people around me.

Makes sense, I’m in. So Rubin sets about creating projects for herself for the month of January -- Go to sleep earlier. Exercise better. Toss, restore, organize. Tackle a nagging task. Act more energetic. All seems doable, right?

Go to sleep earlier. This may actually be one of the harder ones for me to do. My body and brain is trained to hit the sack after midnight. Time to untrain…in baby steps, and so far so good. I’ve been in bed before 11 pm for the past two nights, which has allowed me to feel more rested in the morning because I’m actually getting 8 hours of sleep. Unheard of. I still hit the snooze button a couple of times, but I don’t hate life when I get up.

Exercise better. My husband I are pretty active so I don’t envision me changing this too much, but I will say that because I am sleeping earlier and getting up feeling more rested, I feel like I have more energy (I say that now). So in other words, my brain is on faster and it’s taking me less time to gather my thoughts and do my morning chores (figure out what to wear, get dressed, pack lunch, make coffee, feed dog). I’m usually so late that there’s never time to walk the dog. Guess who got a walk this morning?

Toss, restore, organize. Please. If you know me, you know that I don’t need prompting to do this. However, it made me reevaluate rooms and closets that I have tackled before and consider tackling them again. Look out!

Tackle a nagging task. Same thing. Not my style. Because it’s a nagging task, I usually try to get it done as soon as possible. At least I can’t or don't want to think of anything that's been left undone. Perhaps my husband can chime in here. Probably one of the things that I procrastinate on the most is making my dentist appointments. I solved that at my last visit by making the receptionist just book my next cleaning in advance so it’s not left up to me to call them!

Act more energetic. Probably the hardest thing on the project list. To me it means, acting happier. Rubin says, “Act the way I want to feel.” Oy.

I am inclined to believe that Asian people are brought up to be miserable, to not be happy for fear of being disappointed. I can find many other Asian friends of my age who would agree.

Stand by, if there was any project listed that I need working on, this last one is it.

The Happiness Project Book Club

SHE BLOGGED: I've never been in a book club.

I've never been asked to be in one, nor have I had the desire to be in one.

My interpretation of a book club is literally only what I've seen on TV. Oprah's Book Club comes across as typically consisting of feel good books that I have zero interest in. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to read. It's one of my favorite past times, but my kind of book has storylines of murder, mystery and suspense (and for some reason, and I think because they need to keep the storyline going, it involves serial killers).

When I think book club, I also have visions of the scenes from the movie "Jerry McQuire" with Renee Zellwegger's character and her gossipy friends and family getting all up in her personal business. Ack, spare me.

So when my co-worker sent an email asking anyone interested in joining and creating a book club around the latest book called "The Happiness Project," I had mixed reactions.

I wanted to support my friend Karin, but I hated the idea of spending an extra hour or two after work with co-workers that I already see more than I see my own husband in a day, and yet I am the first to admit I could use a bit more happiness in my life. So I plunked down my $8 on her desk and tried to be, really tried to be, happy about it.

When Karin asked if the book club should meet somewhere other than work like a restaurant, I had to be honest - if I have to drive somewhere else other than home, I would probably continue to just drive home, nor was I excited to meet somewhere that I would have to spend some money to be there even if it's on just a cup of coffee. So it was decided to meet immediately after work at work. Our assignment? To read the first chapter before the day of our first book club meeting.

A Letter from my Congressman

Thank you for contacting me concerning conflicts in the Middle East. I appreciate you taking time to share your views with me.

Like you, I believe our country must engage in an international dialogue with other countries to achieve greater global security and stability, democracy, encourage nonproliferation, and protect human rights.

While there is little public consensus on the best approach, I hope we can agree that despite controversy, we must press on to seek solutions that promote security in the region and strengthen efforts toward a lasting peace. Congress has an oversight role in the conduct of U.S. foreign policy, and we must keep our commitments to the region. Certainly, I will continue to closely monitor the Middle East and will stay involved in Congressional efforts to address situations in any way possible.

Please know that I have consistently supported legislative efforts that seek to foster harmony among countries by working multilateral channels and employing diplomacy to achieve global peace and stability.

If you have a moment, please visit my Web site (http://becerra.house.gov/) and click on "Sign Me Up" if you are interested in receiving periodic e-updates and my e-newsletter, The Becerra Bulletin.

Sincerely,


XAVIER BECERRA
Member of Congress

A Letter to Your Local Congressman

Dear Congressman Xavier Becerra,

Concerned for the safety of my very pregnant friend who lives in Cairo, I asked her how I could help, she replied, "Reach out to your local congressman.” It wasn’t the reply I was expecting. To avoid the possibility of the protests in Egypt escalating into something further, I anticipated helping her book a flight back to the United States, perhaps wiring money over, or even sending a care package if mail delivery would allow. Certainly her request would be the easier of the things to do than what I had envisioned and yet her request gave me pause.

I have never written to my local congressman and yet I do so now, understanding how much more this could mean for her, for me, for her country and for mine.

We are witnessing a revolution in Egypt - The Egyptian people are demanding President Mubarak to step down.

Over a million Egyptians intend to remain in Tahrir Square until the regime accepts their demands for a new and democratic government. The demonstrators have shown to the world that they did not come to destroy, but to build their country.

We must also show our support, but not in millions of dollars in military aid to the Middle East as the U.S. has done in the past; instead, I ask that we do so by sending food, water and supplies. The country is desperately poor, more than 40 percent of Egypt’s 84 million citizens survive on less than two dollars a day and ongoing demonstrations against Mubarak has halted businesses and created household shortages of supplies like bread and rice.

And once Mubarak is removed, our support should again continue not in the way of massive military budgets, but by assisting the Egyptians in this transition. Our assistance to Egypt should reflect our support by guiding them to build democratic institutions. Help them stand on their own two feet, make available our expertise for a more just and accountable government. As quoted by another congressman, "the people of Egypt are fighting for their rights as our nation once fought a revolution to obtain."

Thank you for your time.

Here's to starting 2011 on the right foot with a 1920s poem written by Max Ehrmann. May it inspire, rejuvenate and remind us all to pay it forward.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

We called the plumber because we noticed that the back corner of the house where the master bath is located was wet again.

The plumber said that the good news was that the old leak that he patched last year was still in tact. The bad news is that there was indeed a new leak.

He also said that our toilet was in really bad shape. We mentioned that the toilet in the master bath was wobbly. He said that because the toilet was never installed correctly, water was seeping between the floorboards and dripping down every time we flush. He said that at the rate that the water was damaging the wood, the toilet would eventually come through the floor.

He also said that all the piping was the wrong side. Water pipes should be ¾ inch copper and not ½ inch.

While he was talking to us on our front porch, he also pointed out that the water pressure valve at the front of the house looked to be about 10-15 years old. He could tell that the valve had been replaced with galvanized steel fitting which, when that metal reacts to copper causes corrosion. We mentioned that since we moved in, that valve has blown twice. He said that we were lucky that we have not blown a pipe under the house otherwise it would have caused serious damage and thousands of dollars of work.

He said that a factory sets the standard pressure on valves at 50 lbs. Most households should run 70 lbs or less. When he measured the pressure, we weren’t using any water in the house and his meter read 120 lbs of pressure. He said in the evening, when everyone is home and using water, our pressure valve probably goes up to 170. He said that this was our emergency NOT the leak under the house and he was extremely surprised that it had not blown previous especially since the entire house is not fitted with the right sized pipes, adding more pressure to the amount of water trying to push through the smaller pipes. We had him change it before he attended to the work under the house. $385.

It took three workers to replace the pressure valve, the piping under the master bath ($2,800) and the master toilet piping ($450). All with the proper sized, copper piping. Since the plumbers were under the house, we figured we would ask them why we can’t get any hot water in the guest bathroom sink. Apparently that sink has not had hot water for years.

The plumbers initially couldn’t figure out why we would get hot water in the shower, but not the sink when both were connected to the same pipes. They had to take apart some of the plumbing to see why.

To no one’s surprise, the previous contractor did a shoddy job, connecting galvanized steel pipes of the wrong size to copper pipes, causing once again, those two metals to react and cause corrosion. The pipes are so corroded and clogged with gunk that NO hot water can get through it.

There is over 40 feet of galvanized piping that would need to be replaced in order to do the job right. He said it was about as much work as the master bath.

He also said that the guest bathroom toilet was also in the same condition as the master bath -- put in incorrectly. The floor was cut too big for the toilet pipe work so they wedged pieces of wood to keep it from moving. This patch job also stands the chance of eventually falling through the floor as well.

We don’t’ want to spend that money only for us to eventually remodel that bathroom to the way we truly want it so since no one really uses that bathroom, we will wait until we have the money to do so. Meanwhile, no water will continue to run in that sink.