Chapter 2: Remember Love

SHE BLOGGED: This may just be the hardest chapter of projects. Is that bad that I'm saying that already and I'm only on chapter 2?

This chapter's projects are to quit nagging, don't expect praise or appreciation, fight right, no dumping, and give proofs of love.

Rubin says that she learned one critical fact about her happiness project: She couldn't change anyone else. As tempting as it was to try, she couldn't lighten the atmosphere of her marriage by bullying her husband into changing his ways. She could only work on herself.

Rubin loves to quote other people and I actually like to read them. Sometimes it takes someone else to say what you can't put into words.

"It is easy to be heavy: hard to to be light."

"There is no love; only proofs of love."

"What you do every day matters more than what you do once in awhile."

Here's what I know. As far as this chapter's projects were concerned and after reading the chapter, I know that my husband is a better partner than I am in many ways. It's not that I didn't know that, it's just the first time I'm acknowledging it, out loud I guess.

This chapter focused on the fact that you can't change anyone but yourself, but also a reminder to be more observant and appreciative of all the things that your partner does do, not the ones you want him or her to do, but doesn't. And so began the exercise of reflection.

I'm not a morning person, no matter how much sleep I try to get. I wouldn't say my husband is a morning person, but he always greets me with a cheery "good morning" while I in turn manage a grunt back.

Before he leaves somewhere, he always kisses me goodbye. When I leave the house, it's a "see ya!" over my shoulder and I'm out.

When I come home he greets me with a kiss and the first thing that typicallly pops out of my mouth is something like "Did you take out the garbage yet?" He never calls me on it even though he has absolutely every right to. If the tables were turned, I'd lay in on him. And yet he never does. Meanwhile my dog will scamper over to greet me and I immediately drop down to pet her, my voice raises in octave and I coo at her no matter what kind of mood I am in. Yikes. I suck.

So this past weekend, I took on a mantra that hearkens back to chapter one's suggestion of "act the way you want to feel" and it worked. When I would typically point out certain things out to my husband that I thought that he should or could do better, I bit my tongue. Why ruin a good day? I had the foresight to see it might lead to me or him being grumpy afterward.

This was/is tough work, but part of Rubin's commandments is also "letting go." If my husband still doesn't clean up as he cooks like I do, then I need to let it go. It will get done eventually -- and that is OK. That's me letting go and only trying to change myself.