Chapter 2: Remember Love

SHE BLOGGED: This may just be the hardest chapter of projects. Is that bad that I'm saying that already and I'm only on chapter 2?

This chapter's projects are to quit nagging, don't expect praise or appreciation, fight right, no dumping, and give proofs of love.

Rubin says that she learned one critical fact about her happiness project: She couldn't change anyone else. As tempting as it was to try, she couldn't lighten the atmosphere of her marriage by bullying her husband into changing his ways. She could only work on herself.

Rubin loves to quote other people and I actually like to read them. Sometimes it takes someone else to say what you can't put into words.

"It is easy to be heavy: hard to to be light."

"There is no love; only proofs of love."

"What you do every day matters more than what you do once in awhile."

Here's what I know. As far as this chapter's projects were concerned and after reading the chapter, I know that my husband is a better partner than I am in many ways. It's not that I didn't know that, it's just the first time I'm acknowledging it, out loud I guess.

This chapter focused on the fact that you can't change anyone but yourself, but also a reminder to be more observant and appreciative of all the things that your partner does do, not the ones you want him or her to do, but doesn't. And so began the exercise of reflection.

I'm not a morning person, no matter how much sleep I try to get. I wouldn't say my husband is a morning person, but he always greets me with a cheery "good morning" while I in turn manage a grunt back.

Before he leaves somewhere, he always kisses me goodbye. When I leave the house, it's a "see ya!" over my shoulder and I'm out.

When I come home he greets me with a kiss and the first thing that typicallly pops out of my mouth is something like "Did you take out the garbage yet?" He never calls me on it even though he has absolutely every right to. If the tables were turned, I'd lay in on him. And yet he never does. Meanwhile my dog will scamper over to greet me and I immediately drop down to pet her, my voice raises in octave and I coo at her no matter what kind of mood I am in. Yikes. I suck.

So this past weekend, I took on a mantra that hearkens back to chapter one's suggestion of "act the way you want to feel" and it worked. When I would typically point out certain things out to my husband that I thought that he should or could do better, I bit my tongue. Why ruin a good day? I had the foresight to see it might lead to me or him being grumpy afterward.

This was/is tough work, but part of Rubin's commandments is also "letting go." If my husband still doesn't clean up as he cooks like I do, then I need to let it go. It will get done eventually -- and that is OK. That's me letting go and only trying to change myself.

Chapter 1: The Happiness Project

SHE BLOGGED: So what's the Happiness Project book all about? It's about a woman named Gretchen Rubin who decides to dedicate a year to being happier.

Here's me. I'm going to chronicle this reading project and I'm taking you with me (and my husband because he has no choice).

Think of this as the cliff note version of her book. I'll highlight the parts that resonated with me. Let's begin.

Rubin sets about explaining to her husband what she hopes to achieve with the “project,” he initially interprets the news that she's unhappy.

"I am happy -- but I'm not as happy as I should be. I have such a good life, I want to appreciate it more - and live up to it better."

True dat. Ok. I'm with you girl.

Rubin: Contemporary research shows that happy people are more altruistic, more productive, more helpful, more likable, more creative, more resilient, more interested in others, friendlier, and healthier. Happy people make better friends, colleagues, and citizens. I want to be one of those people.

Working on my happiness wouldn't just make me happier; it would boost the happiness of the people around me.

Makes sense, I’m in. So Rubin sets about creating projects for herself for the month of January -- Go to sleep earlier. Exercise better. Toss, restore, organize. Tackle a nagging task. Act more energetic. All seems doable, right?

Go to sleep earlier. This may actually be one of the harder ones for me to do. My body and brain is trained to hit the sack after midnight. Time to untrain…in baby steps, and so far so good. I’ve been in bed before 11 pm for the past two nights, which has allowed me to feel more rested in the morning because I’m actually getting 8 hours of sleep. Unheard of. I still hit the snooze button a couple of times, but I don’t hate life when I get up.

Exercise better. My husband I are pretty active so I don’t envision me changing this too much, but I will say that because I am sleeping earlier and getting up feeling more rested, I feel like I have more energy (I say that now). So in other words, my brain is on faster and it’s taking me less time to gather my thoughts and do my morning chores (figure out what to wear, get dressed, pack lunch, make coffee, feed dog). I’m usually so late that there’s never time to walk the dog. Guess who got a walk this morning?

Toss, restore, organize. Please. If you know me, you know that I don’t need prompting to do this. However, it made me reevaluate rooms and closets that I have tackled before and consider tackling them again. Look out!

Tackle a nagging task. Same thing. Not my style. Because it’s a nagging task, I usually try to get it done as soon as possible. At least I can’t or don't want to think of anything that's been left undone. Perhaps my husband can chime in here. Probably one of the things that I procrastinate on the most is making my dentist appointments. I solved that at my last visit by making the receptionist just book my next cleaning in advance so it’s not left up to me to call them!

Act more energetic. Probably the hardest thing on the project list. To me it means, acting happier. Rubin says, “Act the way I want to feel.” Oy.

I am inclined to believe that Asian people are brought up to be miserable, to not be happy for fear of being disappointed. I can find many other Asian friends of my age who would agree.

Stand by, if there was any project listed that I need working on, this last one is it.

The Happiness Project Book Club

SHE BLOGGED: I've never been in a book club.

I've never been asked to be in one, nor have I had the desire to be in one.

My interpretation of a book club is literally only what I've seen on TV. Oprah's Book Club comes across as typically consisting of feel good books that I have zero interest in. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to read. It's one of my favorite past times, but my kind of book has storylines of murder, mystery and suspense (and for some reason, and I think because they need to keep the storyline going, it involves serial killers).

When I think book club, I also have visions of the scenes from the movie "Jerry McQuire" with Renee Zellwegger's character and her gossipy friends and family getting all up in her personal business. Ack, spare me.

So when my co-worker sent an email asking anyone interested in joining and creating a book club around the latest book called "The Happiness Project," I had mixed reactions.

I wanted to support my friend Karin, but I hated the idea of spending an extra hour or two after work with co-workers that I already see more than I see my own husband in a day, and yet I am the first to admit I could use a bit more happiness in my life. So I plunked down my $8 on her desk and tried to be, really tried to be, happy about it.

When Karin asked if the book club should meet somewhere other than work like a restaurant, I had to be honest - if I have to drive somewhere else other than home, I would probably continue to just drive home, nor was I excited to meet somewhere that I would have to spend some money to be there even if it's on just a cup of coffee. So it was decided to meet immediately after work at work. Our assignment? To read the first chapter before the day of our first book club meeting.